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The Function of Gaslighting

Here's a great example of a powerful strategy called gaslighting and how to use it in your persuasive situations with the affluent...

A few nights ago I was watching TV, just flipping around aimlessly, and came upon an old episode of M*A*S*H. In this episode, BJ is bored and to entertain himself he cooks up a plan for amusement at Winchester's expense.

He takes a pair of Winchester's pants and replaces them with a much larger pair. When Winchester puts them on, BJ casually asks if Winchester is feeling okay, mentioning that lately he's looked a little sickly. Maybe he's not eating enough to keep up his energy, and oh boy, does he look way too thin!

A few scenes later BJ replaces the pants with a much smaller pair and when Winchester tries them on, BJ again casually "notices" how much weight Winchester has gained, which sends the vain Winchester into a dieting frenzy.

Hawkeye, having observed the interactions, asks BJ, "What's next?"

To which BJ responds, "Tomorrow he gets taller."

This illustrates the very essence of gaslighting. In this instance, gaslighting is a harmless prank. Gaslighting also has the potential to be quite dangerous and cruel when used with malice. So why am I writing about it? So that you might protect yourself from it should someone try to use it against you.

It's important to me that as you read this, you understand that the persuasion techniques I teach must be used with integrity. I've learned the hard way that when they are employed for unethical purposes, there's the very real potential for a world of hurt for all involved.

The term gaslighting came from the 1944 film of the same name and came to be defined as the ruthless manipulation of a person into believing something that isn't true.

The plot of 'Gaslighting' involves a husband who wants his wife out of the way. He goes about this by trying to make her seem insane, which in those days resulted in an extended stay in a mental institution. He manipulated her into doubting her sense of reality.

Using gaslighting in a way that is not unethical could include understanding how your affluent prospect interprets their own reality.

There are five main strategies employed in the technique of gaslighting and you can use each one to your advantage when persuading your affluent prospects.

The first is repetitive questioning and this is used to plant the seed of doubt in a person.

Game shows employ this tactic in order to heighten anticipation by causing the contestants to doubt their decisions - asking and re-asking, "are you sure?"

With only a word, this can be accomplished. "Really?" The body language used can be a cock of the head and a raised eyebrow. This is all it takes to install in the recipient that maybe they should be in doubt.

With this strategy, it is most effective to come from a non-threatening or non-challenging position. After all, you only have their best interest at heart, so go ahead and make them aware of it.

The second strategy is to point out things that simply aren't there.

By using this strategy, you're undermining a sense of reality. Conversely it can be used to point out qualities and assets in a person who has no idea that these qualities exist within them (especially if they don't exist within them).

Appealing to someone's sense of ego and vanity is one way to use this. Think of former bosses or clients or prospects or authority figures, whose egos needed massaging. This is a form of gaslighting.

Warning: if the compliment is completely without merit, an obvious fabrication, then one is sure to be discovered. Subtlety and at least a small nugget of honesty works best here.

Strategy number three is primarily for the use of experts--someone who has specialized knowledge or divine access to information which you haven't the 'connections' to learn. . .i.e. think therapist, minister, psychics. They have very esoteric, mysterious or specialized knowledge that will give you the answer you seek. Rather, the answer that they wish for you to believe you seek.

This phenomenon causes the client to lower defenses and be more trusting and dependent. This may be part of the reason patients sometimes develop crushes on their therapists.

Strategy number four is to reveal the secret thoughts of others.

Another way to view this is specialized gossip, directed directly at the person you're persuading. It's as if you're letting them in on a secret, and you're doing it because you care enough to help.

You can use this positively to spread compliments about that person that were told in confidence. Using encouragement and praise instead of derision and destruction.

The final strategy is using the power of many over the small, insignificant power of the one.

Kids do this all the time. It's employed in politics, religion, and suburbia, through the media, the educational system, and society-at-large in varying degrees.

It's a group think straight out of 1984.

It's powerful to have 'the many' on your side, and very difficult to maintain your position when you're up against the many.

As you can see, gaslighting isn't necessarily a nice practice. It is designed into trick someone into doubting themselves and their own sanity. But there are ways that gaslighting can be used for a positive outcome. You have to decide whether it's the right thing to use this technique and when it's the right time not to use it.

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Kenrick Cleveland teaches strategies to earn the business of wealthy prospects using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion strategies. Don't reprint this article. Instead, reprint a free unique content version of this same article.

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