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The Date Before the Date 

When does a date start? You may be tempted to say it starts when you drive up to take her out on that first "formal" outing that she agreed to go to with you. But if you view the date as starting then, you will have lost a lot of valuable "date time" that happens long before she says yes to going out with you.

The truth is except when you are set up for a date and meet her for the first time that night, most of the time the act of dating starts with flirtation long before you formally go out. And if you use that time before the date in a smart way, your chances of having a great evening with her are much better.

So start viewing the "date" as underway even when you meet her for the first time and gently start to chat socially and mildly flirt. The only real difference is that in your mind, you are on the path to a date and you are intentional about learning all you can before you say "will you go out with me" to her. This is valuable time you can use to your advantage if you use it well.

Most of the time when you set your sights on a girl with the hopes of getting that first date, it is in a shared social setting such as school, work or a group you both share. Often you both already know people so the transition from strangers to acquaintances is relaxed and natural. That is the perfect way to begin to chart a course from acquaintances to lovers by laying the groundwork for that first date.

This is the kind of setting where a casual conversation can allow you to ask some of those early questions that will be so important in making that decision on whether to even ask this girl on the first date. By getting some of that early "espionage" out of the way, you dramatically reduce the chance of having a "first date nightmare" that so many guys experience and never want to go through again. The truth is that other than a flat tire or someone getting sick or hurt, most first date disasters happen when something comes out in the relationship that dooms the chance of a romance. And the worst part is that if this happens early in the evening, the rest of the date can be tremendously awkward.

A critical piece of information to focus on in your early chats is if the girl is even in the dating market at all. She usually will let you know if she has a boyfriend, a husband or some other reason that she can or will not date you. And as disappointing as that might be, it's a whole lot better than floating the date question out there only to get told "no" and to have to deal with that sense of rejection just because you didn't do your homework up front.

Making friends with the girl before any romance is even suggested is a terrific way to find out a bit about the girl that could have a huge effect on whether you ask her out at all. Religious differences, cultural divides that would be awkward or political values that might lead to conflict are things you want to flush out well in advance. You can then decide if the date has a good chance of working and make some date agenda decisions that are appropriate to the background and personality of the girl you wish to know better.

And this early time of casual friendship and getting to know each other can be just as exciting as the date if you start to feel she likes you and that she wants to go out with you as much as you want to take her out. And if the interest is high and the flirtation strong when you go out on that first date, you and she have a good chance of a bright future of lots of fun and romantic dates and maybe a romance that will go all the way.

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