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Homer Simpson and His Deep, Deep Thoughts.

Rare is the day when you can say you have experience the machinations of a true life guru. Well, with the works of one Homer J. Simpson, you certainly can. The fact that he is an animated person does not lesson the greaterr, lessons he has given us:

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday. Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.

Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well...all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing

Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster's dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one's garden.

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um... Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer.

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.

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Aazdak Alisimo absolutely loves the Simpsons and any source of funny quotes, which he collects for FunnyQuotesDaily.com. This article is available as a unique content article with free reprint rights.

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