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Hilarious Jokes to Lighten Your Mood

In a rut? Grumbling about all the nonsense in your life? Switch to decaf and lighten up a bit. Easier said then done, eh? Well, give these jokes and quotes a read. They should do the trick.

1. Rodney Dangerfield - I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

2. Drew Carey - You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!

3. Steven Wright - Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

4. Jay Leno - Dick Cheney says he loves California - out here the rich and famous can shoot people and get away with it. Wait till these Enron guys find out that in prison, the term "Insider trading" has a whole new meaning.

5. Dave Attell - You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike

6. Steven Wright - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

7. Rodney Dangerfield - My wife was afraid of the dark...then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

8. George Bush - The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done.

9. Bill Maher - Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

10. Rodney Dangerfield - I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

11. Jerry Seinfield - Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

12. Jay Leno - Al Gore has found a new job - teach journalism at Columbia University. Ironic isn't it? The guy who did all the coke winds up going to the White House, the guy who didn't do coke goes to Columbia.

13. Dave Attell - Man, you've gone from social drinker to alcoholic really quickly.

14. Dave Attell - Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.

15. Rodney Dangerfield - My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

At the end of the day, we all usually need a good laugh. Hopefully, the above quotes and jokes provided it. If not, there are tons of sites with them, so get to clicking!

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